Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When did angry sex become our thing?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize