My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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