your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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