it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
