I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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