She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize