so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
