I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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