i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
