I got chris browned last night
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
