Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
