all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
