Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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