Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
