A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
