he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize