Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
