Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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