david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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