Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
