You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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