Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
