you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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