know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
is wine microwaveable?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize