How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Will exercising make me less horny?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
