I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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