BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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