I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
