Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You took a bar mat shot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
