Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
