You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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