I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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