I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
