halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
