You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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