Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This baby is an asshole
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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