Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
