GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
