Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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