When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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