Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
