So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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