The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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