Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
