I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
