This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
