just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
