It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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