I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
