I need help removing her.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
