I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
