It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
