When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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