maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
