Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
