we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
