At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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