That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
