it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
