Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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