i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
