The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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