how can u be prego again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
