Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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