we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
