I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
