Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize