Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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