I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
